The traditions and culture surrounding love and marriage in Turkey can seem unique and sometimes old-fashioned to outsiders. Here’s a closer look at dating, engagement, and marriage in Turkey, along with the rituals and customs that make it distinctive.
Dating in Turkey
In larger cities, dating is more relaxed, but in rural communities, traditional customs still hold sway. In these areas, arranged marriages and unique rituals, like placing an empty bottle on a house roof to indicate a woman’s single status, are still practiced.
In general, dating in Turkey is serious, and casual dating is uncommon. Expressions of love come early and are often accompanied by grand romantic gestures, such as flowers, gifts, or other displays of affection. While these might seem over-the-top to some Westerners, they are seen as sweet and devoted in Turkey. Traditionally, men take the lead in courtship, although societal changes are shifting some of these roles.
Despite these changes, Turkish dating culture remains conservative, especially outside larger cities. Living together before marriage and premarital sex are still taboo topics. However, modern dating practices like online dating have become popular in urban areas.
Engagement in Turkey
Turks celebrate engagements with food, music, and dancing. Traditionally, the groom’s family would seek a suitable bride, often starting within their social circles. Once a potential bride is selected, her family decides whether to accept the proposal. Today, this custom is mainly observed in rural areas, with most couples meeting through friends or online. However, getting engaged typically still requires the blessing of both families.
The groom must formally ask for the bride’s hand in marriage, and the bride’s family hosts an engagement party where the couple exchanges rings.
Getting Married in Turkey
Marriage in Turkey requires a legal civil ceremony, often preceded by a religious ceremony. The lead-up to a Turkish wedding is filled with significant traditions:
Henna Night: Three nights before the wedding, women gather for a henna evening. The bride wears a red or purple dress and veil, and the groom’s mother applies henna to her hands, symbolizing good luck.
Wedding Party: Two nights before the wedding, a party is held at the bride’s home, especially if the couple is from different regions.
Official Wedding: The official wedding occurs at the groom’s home with dancing and feasting. On the wedding day, the groom’s family picks up the bride in a decorated convoy, and guests pin money onto the bride’s dress as a gift.
A unique custom involves the bride and groom stepping on each other’s toes while signing the marriage certificate, symbolizing who will have the final say in the marriage.
Pregnancy and Birth in Turkey
After marriage, couples are often asked about starting a family, as Turks adore children. Upon announcing a pregnancy, the mother-in-law traditionally gifts a golden bracelet to the expectant mother. During pregnancy, many old wives’ tales and customs surround the expectant mother.
After birth, it’s customary to stay indoors for forty days, a tradition stemming from times of high infant mortality due to disease. Gifts like the nazar, or evil eye, are given to protect the baby from harm. In some areas, a tree is planted in the baby’s name—chestnut, mulberry, and apple for girls; poplar or pine for boys.